Motherhood is a ride isn’t it? It’s all-consuming, overstimulating and a non-stop bus tour to “overwhelmsville”. Also, it can feel heavy with the expectations that we put on ourselves and from external sources.
Societies perception on what motherhood should be and look like has a lot to answer for. This idea that we should always be doing, putting our lives on hold, and prioritising nothing but our children is not only old-fashioned, but damaging.
When you abandon yourself, it's all too easy to lose the very essence of you in the fog of motherhood.
While nurturing a little human (or more) you swiftly drop to the bottom of the priority list, which means... - You never have the mental space to gain clarity on what brings you joy
⠀ - You're so drained by motherhood you don't have the energy to do something for yourself or create a life where you thrive ⠀ - The very fact that you want to do and have something for yourself is making the mum guilt hard to bear because you can't see how they could work in harmony - You’re struggling with your mindset and your inner critic is limiting your potential because nothing you do feels good enough
I know what it's like to feel stuck, resentful, and like you’re going nowhere fast. This is how I used to feel after my son was born. I was brimming with ideas on how I wanted to grow and plans for my life, but none of them seemed possible now that I'd become a mum.
From early on, I knew that I wasn’t the type of mother that could sit on the carpet and play with Duplo all day – kudos if this is you, but it wasn’t a space I could comfortably occupy and feel like myself. I was lost, disconnected from the very essence of me, and completely sucked into the overwhelming vortex of motherhood and navigating my new role. I felt useless because I had all of these dreams and plans for my business and guilty because I didn’t want to spend all of my time looking after my child. I wanted something for myself too.
However, the stereotype of what a mother should be, doesn’t let you in on an eye-popping secret…
There are different types of mothering, all unique in their own right.
No version is better than the other and as mums we’re all collectively winging it every day. Truth is, nobody has it figured out and acknowledging that fact brings a kind of peace and acceptance that you’re doing OK. It brings a sense of freedom because rather than feeding into the “shoulds” and societal expectations, you’re leaning into a version of motherhood that’s authentic to you.
The guilt slowly subsided when I was reminded how being in my own space makes me thrive. And, in that space where I’m giving back to myself, I know I’m also giving to my children too.
You deserve way more than sinking in a sea of overwhelm, unfulfillment, and a life that doesn't feel like YOU where... - You put yourself first unapologetically - You create a life on your terms that makes you feel fulfilled and fabulous
- You take inspired action towards your goals to live with more alignment and intention - You let go of the negative stories that are weighing you down and limiting your potential Becoming a mum doesn't mean that you have to let go of everything that you are and makes you thrive. The person you were before coming a mum MATTERS TOO. I'm not going to pretend that this stuff is easy, because "doing the work" never is. However, making time for yourself to relight your spark, believing in what could be, and trusting the process is major game-changer in creating a life where you show up as your whole self. It’s what has been pivotal in helping me build a business that connects me with my true purpose and works in harmony with my life as a mum. My journey hasn't been without bumps in the road, but I know that rediscovering my buried happiness and identity has made me a better mother, wife, friend, and person in general. I've realised that the ripple effect of prioritising my own needs and ambitions not only benefits me BUT everyone and everything in my life, especially my children.
Living in alignment with your true purpose is a basic human right and being a mum shouldn’t be an excuse to stop you achieving that – you can have both.
You really can be an awesome mum and still aspire for MORE, regardless of societies idealised version of what motherhood 'should' be.
About the Author:
Dr Jemma Andrew-Adiamah is a certified Empowerment Coach for mums supercharging them with confidence and self-worth to pursue their dreams, and thrive in life and motherhood. Through holistic coaching, she supports mums to shift out of survival mode by transforming their daily overwhelm into crystal clear clarity, confidence, and fulfilment, so they can rediscover their purpose and identity beyond motherhood in a way that’s on their terms. Jemma believes that you can be and awesome mum and still unapologetically aspire for more - showing up as your whole self so you truly shine.
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